You left home a week ago to begin a life of adventure. To save villages, kill dragons, and save fair maidens. And if the fair maidens happen to show their gratitude, well, that's a nice bonus.
Instead, you’ve been walking through this damn forest for 3 days now with nothing but insects and the occasional bird or squirrel for company.
Until you stumble upon the cave. You almost pass it by, but you stop. You think you hear something. A woman’s voice? You strain your ears and hear a cry:
“Hello? Helloooo?”
Delicious script by u/SmuttleyGWA with edits by me
Endearments used: Hero, human, pet, saviour, adventurer
Inclusivity notes: Listener has a penis, which is referred to as a cock. Shaft and balls are also mentioned. No gender references.