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"Welcome, dear customer, to Oneiros' Fleshlight Repository! In this marvellous place, I -your gracious, fantastic, humble host Oneiros- shall help you find the perfect fleshlight for your needs! We've got all manner of wondrous creations in stock today, so whip off those pants and settle in to try out our selection! We'll match you with the best fleshlight you could ever want, or your credits back! We always leave our customers satisfied!"